To love is to let go.

   Recently I have been faced with numerous challenges. My life is spinning out of control, faster than I can get a hold on it. I'm about to become a single mother of a 16 month old little boy. We are moving to Atlanta to make a new life for ourselves. I have had no luck finding a job here in good ole Ringgold, Ga. So, I figured why not? Now is as good a time as any.....

   This week has been the most trying one for me in months. There have been so many ups and downs. I have been so excited for the move and so incredibly saddened at the same time. Thru everything that has gone on I have managed to both gain friends and loose them. One was very dear to me. You could even say more like a sister. I thought friends were there to help you thru the hard times, not leave you.  I am so torn because I truly feel as if I am doing the right thing for Brantley and I. I just wish that there was a way for me to help them see it too.

    I know I haven't been as strong as I should be lately...but sometimes people loose site of whats important. I think I have pretty much mentally checked out. I am quickly learning how to get that back on track. I am determined and focused to put my life back together. No more excuses, no more loosing friends, no more family being disappointed. It's time for Me to get my life back on track. Starting Yesterday.

Quote of the Day : "Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets." ~Arthur Miller

Monday Monday...Dah dah dah dah.

Have you ever just had one of those days? You know...the kind where you just wanted the day to be over before it even got Started? Well...I'm right there with you this morning! I had a Dr's appt. scheduled for 8am in Knoxville this morning. Which meant that I needed to be up by 5am and out of the house NO later than 630am. Did that happen?? Not a chance! I am typically a night owl and cannot make myself go to sleep before around 2am. Why did I think last night was going to be any different? I made myself go to bed around 1030pm last night...and woke again at 1230am. Wouldn't you know that I did NOT go back to bed until somewhere around 430am. Knowing that I needed to be up in 30 minutes, one would have thought that I would have just stayed awake! Nope...I decided to take a quick nap. No good for me! I woke this morning at 815 am! 15 Minutes after my appointment should have began. This makes for a horrible start to the day! Which leads me to ask....What happened to my trusty alarm clock? I know I set it for the correct time! Is it possible that I incoherently shut the damn thing off while trying to catch up on Sleep?? Maybe. Anything is possible....Hahahahahaha. Well, I guess I am done with my rant for the day! On to bigger and better things...Like trying to land a J.O.B.! That would make this day perfect! Hope you all have a wonderful Monday!

Thought for the day: Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Sunshine and Summertime

   Well the Summer's almost over and it's definately been a roller coaster. Full of ups and downs and turns of all sorts. Never would I have imagined the things I have encountered this season. Some doors have been opened and some have been slammed in my face. But, I guess so is Life...right? It goes on. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I have had the best time meeting some Amazing people this Summer. And for that, I am truely greatful. While my life was falling apart God had a plan all along. He sent me the people I needed at just the right times. It's funny how God is very rarely early....But NEVER late. He knows exactly the right time for things.....If only I had that power. The power to see just what I needed and when I needed it. Life would be so much easier. It's been a rough road but things are looking up! I am optimistic about where my life is heading. All I need is my Faith, Family and Friends...It's definately the "Triple Threat." Without these 3 things Sunshine and Summertime would have never happened! <3

Quote for the Day: "There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart."  ~Celia Thaxter

Definition of a Friend

                                          F orever by your side.

                                          R espectful and respectable.

                                          I  nspiring beyond all measures.

                                          E ndearing and encouraging.

                                          N ever judgemental, always supportive.

                                          D evoted to compromise.

 

  
  A forever friend is something we rarely run across these days. Society is to caught up in the "what's good for me now." I refuse to beg for friends....it should just happen. They should be willing to give as much of them to you as you are willing to give to them. I've found a "forever friend" recently. He never ceases to amaze me. His gentle ways and kind, compassionate heart are exactly what I have needed. I can't wait to see what waits just around the corner for us. He is not selfish, but rather selfless. Always puts others feelings before his own....Even though sometimes he stresses too much because of it. We laugh together...and lord knows I've cried. I'm comfortable telling him anything in the world. And having that comfort from someone is Priceless. Thank you for being such an AMAZING person and friend to me. You truly are a role model and Inspiration to me. And that respect for you grows more and more every day.

 Do you believe absence makes the heart grow fonder??? Even if you have Never physically touched? Is it possible to long for the touch of a hand of which you have never felt? These are the questions I keep asking myself...Call me crazy. I will admit that I am half of the time. :) But I believe it is possible....I believe anything is possible. Why live life in "negative Nancy" mode all the time?

I long to hear your voice and wait to see your face. I want to feel your skin against me when I sleep. When we talk it's like magic....I can only think of you. So, I sit and I wait and I hope....better yet I know, that one day things will be different. Life will be perfect because I will have you in it.

Until then....all I have are dreams and hopes.

"I'll take off my Halo, if you take off your Wings....Because you take me to heaven just by being You."

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

   Of course we can! But, who are we kidding? Do we really believe in wishing on shooting stars? I know I don't put much stock in a wish anymore. If I had everything I wished for in life....things would be Amazing. Currently...things aren't the greatest, but I keep telling myself that they could be much worse. Someone Always has it worse than the next person. So...with that being said.

   Great things are happening in my life right now....I know I have been away for a while. So I am using this post to catch up. I am in the middle of a divorce....It's the best decision I think I have ever made. For my own happiness. I am finally learning that it is truly up to me to make things happen for myself...whether that be  finding a job, taking care of my son to the best of my ability, focusing on my family and friends, and getting my life right, whatever that entails.Now....hopefully along the way of this I can find Mr. Wonderful. I know, I know...kind of soon. But, I am most certainly not going to push him away, should he come knocking on my door. Take things slow....that's what I keep telling myself. No rushing...take time. The time to truly know him...and so that he can truly know me. This time I will get it right. I want that everlasting love...the once in a lifetime thing that every littel girl dreams of. I know he is out there...for all I know, I have already met him.

Thought for the day :  Why were we given 2 legs to walk, 2 arms to hold with, 2 eyes to see with, but only 1 heart? Because the other was given to someone for us to find. It's up to us...and only us to be Patient and Never settle. Wait for that one....you will know when you have them. And when you do....Do everything in your power to hang on.

" The most important thing in life, is to learn to give out Love, and to let it come in."

Love Letter...Type Writer

Dear Sissy,

I wanted you to know that I Love you...More than Life itself, and I ALWAYS have. Today I was thinking about our relationship...where it has been???...and where it is going?. I Must say that I am quite afraid for you. I hate to see you waste your Beautiful life away. You are an amazing Girl, with all the potential in the world. Sometimes, I just feel like you don't care enough about yourself. I want to see you grow up to be an Amazing Woman and Mommy.....Will that ever happen? we used to be "Best Friends". When we were growing up, we did Everything Together. Never Apart. We played house, we jumped on the trampoline until we couldn't jump anymore, we laughed until it Hurt, we Cried together, and even though we didn't have a lot of money....we Were Happy Together! You were my Best friend...and I wish i could have that back? But something took that from me! I don't know what has happened to my Beautiful sister. Do you even love yourself anymore? All I can Say Is that I Love You!!! And I want you to know that. You can Always come to me..... I want you to come to me! Our relationship Now...is so Distant and full of Anger and Dishonesty. When will it stop? When did we become this way? And Why does it have to be this way? Sometimes I just cry.... Because I want so badly for you to be a part of my life. I get jealous and hurt when  I see you talking and sharing things with other people...and you wont even talk to me. It seems like everytime we speak, we argue. I don't ever call with those intentions. But somehow, it Always happens. I want my Sissy Back!!! and I want her back NOW! I want to be able to Laugh until our Tummies hurt, and Cry until we have no more tears! I need my Best friend in my life! I Just want her to get help.... You know I am always here..I Love You...and I will be waiting for my Sissy.... Now and Forever! I Miss You!

Fascinating...Why after so long?

So, Two days ago....I am talking to my Friend Elena, on skype. Then my phone Vibrates. Not reckognizing the number, I quickly opened the message, to see who it was from. I was Astounded. I could Not believe it, Dave....The man whom I almost ruined my marriage with. If it wasn't hard enough to see his name in that message, he went on to apologize. That apology, I believe meant more to me, than any apology I had Ever received. It had been 5 Months since we last spoke. After receiving the message...I called him. Maybe not a good idea. But I had to know...why now?? Why after so long, did it matter? And this is what he said, " I have lost a dear friend recently, and on my way home, the second person to pop into my head was you, and how I had done you wrong." I was floored. Never in a million years would I have guessed this. We continued chatting for a while. It was as if Nothing had ever happened between us. It wasn't akward at all. In fact we had an amazing time. We laughed, until we couldn't laugh anymore. We talked about the things that had happened in our lives since the day we stopped talking. I told him Thank you....as he kind of chuckled under his breath. I said," I know it may sound odd, But you saved my marriage." I to this day believe, had it not been for what happened between us, my Husband and I would have Never been forced to discuss issues that we had never dared to cross before. I know it must sound strange. But at this stage in my Marriage, things had very quickly gone from Amazing to nothing short of Awful. I couldn't handle it anymore. So Yes...I Thanked Him. At this time, I feel as though we can Be friends again. He was one of my good friends, and that's just something I'm not willing to compromise on. I discussed this with my husband, as I have No reason to hide anything. He understands where I am coming from. He says,"I trust you" which is amazing to me. I have Not heard those words in quite sometime. I believe that in these past few days, our adventure together has just begun. So My question to you is.... WHY?? Why after so Long, did it matter to him?

Am I failing miserably.....Or is it YOU?

So, I feel as if I have lost who I am. I used to have what I would call "Best Friends". Lately it seems as though, No matter what I do to keep these relationships going...They Fail me. Everytime.  I Finally realized that I have spent so much time and put so much effort into retaining these relationships, that I lost the purpose on the way. I don't understand why I put so much time into People who aren't worth it. I use to think that Everyone was "worth it". WHY? If these Friends don't have time for me, because they are too busy. Then why am I spending so much of my Time on them? Answer me this...Do you really believe there is a such thing as "True Friends", or is Everyone just in our lives for the Moment? When it's Convenient for them. Is it really me that's Failing? Or is it you?